It’s social life, Jim, but not as we know it

MARIE: We’re at the start of a busy summer of visits from family and friends, mostly ‘Jon’s people’ a few at a time for longer stretches and ‘my people’ in brief hordes. Looking at the calendar, there’ll never be more than 6 days between visits from now and until at least early October. This is a cause for much joy and celebration (and overeating), because it’s wonderful that these lovely people want to spend time with us in our rural exile-idyll.

But with Parkinson’s in the house with us, it’s not as easy as it used to be. Jon is slow to get started in the mornings and I need to be on hand to help, even if the help turns out not to be necessary some days. Jon also needs regular breaks, when we’re out and about he needs to sit and rest every so often, and when we’re home he zones out in his comfy chair or goes for a little lie-down. Late nights are a thing of the past, especially if he’s to be functional the next day. But within those constraints he does hugely enjoy these visits from home.

For my part, I feel the absence of an active co-host. We’ve chosen our families wisely and each and every one of them is helpful and thoughtful, nevertheless I almost invariably find myself first to rise and last to bed. Plus there’s the planning and shopping ahead of visits and the cleaning and laundry after. That said, I too love the visits and wouldn’t miss them for the world.

A compromise has to be struck between the demands of Parkinson’s and our guests. This is an evolving negotiation with no permanent solution possible as the disease develops, but for now the ground rules are that guests must stay in the delightful dungeon we have kitted out for them until 10 am, must sort themselves out for breakfast, and must not expect anything to happen in a hurry. Plus the more help we get with the cooking and washing up, the happier I am.

Last week’s visit from Jon’s son and daughter-in-law was the first visit of the summer and (weather aside) it couldn’t have gone better. Not only was I relieved of cooking half the time, they also helped us shift furniture, fix computers, burn garden rubbish etc. etc. On top of which we made some interesting excursions, including a day out at a large hole in the ground that Jon’s been wanting to see for ages. I hope the kids enjoyed it as much as we did.