Bionic man

JON: As you know, I’ve been considering getting a Duodopa pump. I was initially slightly nervous about the surgery etc., but after much research I am now looking forward to getting it fitted. I told the neurologist so earlier this week, and she has set the ball rolling with departmental patient review meetings, pre-hospitalization tests, counseling from a specialist nurse, and much else besides. Marie asked how long the process would be and got the beautifully imprecise response that “this could happen quite quickly, really” – which we take to mean that with luck I’ll just about get it done this side of Xmas.

There is a saying that if it looks too good to be true, then it probably is. The pump certainly looks good from a symptom relief perspective, but there are numerous practical snags with the device: the entry point of the drug delivery tube into my insides must be kept meticulously clean, the drugs must be kept refrigerated at all times and have limited shelf life, the external unit I’ll have to carry around weighs about a pound, maintenance of the PEG tube sounds a bit complicated, the batteries need to be regularly changed, and much else besides – but comparing the before and after, there is no doubt in my mind that life will be better with the pump. All this was confirmed by the pumpees we met at their annual bash last month.

Rather than me trying to describe the pump, I’ll give you links to a pair of YouTube clips: The first video shows the effects of Parkinson’s and the efficacy of the standard treatment. In the second video we see the effects of using the Duodopa pump, and they are impressive. One of the patients agrees to switch off his pump, so that we can watch him crumble from a perfectly normal person into a frozen wreck unable to control his fingers sufficiently to restart his pump.

I’m like that some mornings. I want the pump to make that frozen, miserable me GO AWAY.